Say what?

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making out in VN

Having recently received three learning-Vietnamese-language books from Tuttle Publishing, I was reminded of a family - Western guy, Vietnamese wife, new baby - I saw some years back at a doctor’s office in Saigon. When it was their turn to see the pediatrician, a translator was called – not to explain complex medical terms but to help Mom and Dad with basic “the baby won’t eat” communication. These people could clearly have used Tuttle’s books – “Mini Vietnamese Dictionary”, “Instant Vietnamese” and “Making Out in Vietnamese”. Although perhaps they were ready for the next title, “Raising Your Lovechild in Vietnamese”…

“Instant Vietnamese” is a practical phrasebook, covering everyday topics such as food, computers, and going to the market. The Vietnamese translations of useful phrases are followed by pronunciation guides. Ban[g] ch[j]aw dtoy moth oh banh tiht [tout] heh-oh!

Would this work? Having spent close to two decades in Vietnam, I can guarantee you that the only people who might understand this as “I’ll have a pork sandwich” are Vietnamese folk with a lot of experience hearing foreigners butcher their language (ie your long-suffering Vietnamese teacher) and other tone-deaf foreign Vietnamese language students. Vietnamese is tonal. Depending on the inflection, a single syllable can have six different meanings.

So does this mean that “Instant Vietnamese” is a bust? No. If you already have a decent grasp of tones, you’ll glean some new vocabulary. It’d also make a practical study guide to use with a Vietnamese teacher.

“Making Out in Vietnamese” would be a more titillating, or mortifying, study guide, depending on your teacher. As the title suggests, the focus here is on dating and mating. If you’ve been dying to say, “Ahny moo-awn boo XXX koo-ah em” (I want to suck your XXX) this is the book for you.

But take note: While 15 pages are devoted to love talk, 9 pages deal with breakups and 6 pages list insults and curses: “Doh dee nguh-ah mup!” (Fat horse prostitute!) Whether this says something about Vietnam, or just relationships in general, I’m not sure. But it might be worth remembering before you give your life savings to that bar girl from Vung Tau.

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